Self-esteem
"Eeyore" said Owl, "Christopher Robin is giving a party".
"Very interesting", said Eeyore.
"I suppose they will be sending me down the odd bits which got trodden on".
(Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne)
What is self-esteem and why is it important?
Self-esteem is a judgement that a person makes about his or her own self worth. The level of a child’s self-esteem can be described as the representing the level of match or mismatch between the child’s view of his or her self versus their view of their ideal self. The development of a high level of self-esteem or a positive self concept is one of the most important tasks of childhood and its benefits are felt all through adulthood.
A child with high self-esteem will more often have positive feelings such as confidence, pleasure and a sense of effectiveness. These feelings can increase a child's motivation to attempt tasks and to interact with others and their environment.
A child with low self-esteem is more likely to be unhappy, have doubts about themselves, lack confidence to try new things and feel guilt and sadness.
How can I tell if my child has high self-esteem?
A child with high self-esteem:
- expects to succeed (eventually)
- is willing to try new things
- is more likely to persist
- demonstrates respect for others and expects the same for themselves
- is able to effectively solve problems or conflicts
- is socially competent.
So what can family and friends do to promote high self-esteem in children?
| Age of child | Activities that promote self-esteem |
|---|
| Infants |
Copy their facial expressions and their ‘babbles’. Encourage their achievements with positive words, facial expressions and touch. Allow them to lead the play and comment on what they are doing. As they become more independent, allow appropriate choices (eg, apples or bananas) and encourage independence. |
| Toddlers |
Allow opportunities for play with other toddlers. Help them to join a group and encourage small separations from you. Allow reasonable time and space for them to work out their conflicts. Notice and comment on their appropriate social behaviours. Teach problem solving and conflict resolution skills. Teach them words to describe their feelings. |
| Pre-schoolers |
Encourage play with other children of the same age. Allow time for them to work out problems and be available to help them solve issues. Allow time for them to practice their skills before you expect them to move on to the next level of competence. |
| School aged children and adolescents |
Show them they are valued by giving them your time. Help them find something they are really good at Point out that they may not be perfect but neither is anyone else. Show you appreciate their efforts and persistence and that sometimes you fail before you succeed. Give them responsibility (that is appropriate to their age) so they can show that they can follow through and be relied on. Listen - don't finish their sentences for them. Don't be too embarrassed to say 'I love you' or for them to see you cry. Help your child to remember the good times and successes when they experience bad times. If your child complains that you are too grumpy, think about it, they may be right! |
Children need to know their strengths so they can live comfortably with their weaknesses.
- Garbarino, J., Stott, F.M. (1992) What Children Can Tell Us. Jossey-Bass, Cal.
- Rodd, J. (1996). Understanding Young Children's Behaviour. Allen and Unwin, Australia.
- Parenting SA Parent Easy Guide - Self Esteem.
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