Coming clean about self-esteem
So what is self esteem?
High self esteem? Low esteem? Can you have too much self esteem? What’s it all about? Understanding self-esteem can be confusing, especially since there are many ideas and myths around about it.
Some people think self esteem is about how much you love or like yourself, but it’s not that simple. Self esteem is the judgement or opinion that we have about our own abilities, value and worth as a person.
People with healthy or high self-esteem tend to:
- Feel confident in the face of life’s challenges.
- Willing to try new things most of the time.
- Have a sense that they can make changes when they put in the effort.
- Recognise their personal strengths.
- Give themselves credit when it’s due.
- Realise their contribution in the larger scheme of things.
- Have respect for themselves.
People with low self esteem often:
- Doubt themselves.
- Have a low opinion of who they are and what they can do.
- Dwell on personal weaknesses.
- Have negative self talk, eg ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I can not do it’.
- Compare themselves to others continually and feel they don’t measure up.
- Feel uncomfortable or suspicious of compliments.
- Don’t like to try new things.
- End up doing things that other people want no matter how uncomfortable they feel.
Some people believe that low self esteem is the cause of many youth problems today but you might be interested to know that experts have found that young people with high self esteem have taken drugs and that self esteem hasn’t been proven to play a big part in racist, violent or criminal behaviour. So self esteem is not a simple issue and high self esteem doesn’t always protect you from risky situations.
How do you get self esteem?
You don’t just get self esteem. It is something that develops from when we are little kids right through to becoming an adult. Our self-esteem is shaped by the messages we give ourselves and the messages we get from our parents, friends, families, community and other people that we connect with. Positive or negative messages about our abilities and worth have more influence when they come from people that we respect.
Most of us don’t want to doubt ourselves. Most of us want to feel more confident about who we are and what we can do so we can achieve our goals and get through life feeling happy. Some people believe that you only need high self esteem to be happy, successful and generally have positive mental health. The truth is that we all need a range of skills and support networks that can get us through life.
Skills such as:
- being able to communicate effectively
- being able to make and keep friends
- having goals
- being able to handle conflicts
- and learning how to deal with setbacks
to name a few, will improve your self esteem and promote positive mental health.
Giving your self esteem a boost
- Hang out with supportive people who don't put you down or make fun of you.
- Avoid negative self talk and encourage yourself with positive self talk.
- Try giving and accepting praise and compliments.
- Think about what you have learnt about yourself when you achieve something or when you have setbacks.
- 'Do your best' - have reasonable and realistic expectations of yourself.
- Get out there and participate in a social activity, eg. A sports team, the school choir, a drama production.
- Accept that NO ONE gets it right all the time and that being continuously happy is impossible.
It’s worth remembering that just telling yourself positive messages or affirmations will not magically make your life better. You might have to learn new skills and seek the support of others like your friends, family, teachers, youth or health workers to help you reach your goals, solve problems or just to get another story about yourself, your abilities and where you fit in the bigger scheme of things.
Self esteem is one part of our mental health
Self esteem is important for everyone but it is just one part of our mental health and there are many things we can do to look after our mental health. We develop self esteem.
It is something that grows from being involved with other people and comes from our achievements - many of which will be built with persistence and patience. You can’t just get high self esteem and it is much more than just learning to love yourself.
There is a lot of information in books and online on self-esteem and how to increase it but it is important to remember it isn’t all accurate and reliable and some experts admit we are far from really understanding all there is to know about self esteem.
For more information about positive mental health and ways to build healthy self esteem check out:
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