Relationships

Relationships can be wonderful. But like anything else in life some relationships don't work out how we would like. Not all relationships are healthy and constructive. Sometimes it's hard to figure out who is good for us and who is not. Some people play games, others want control or just want to take and never give of themselves. Some resort to manipulation, force or intimidation to get what they want.

When a young person is in a happy relationship they:

• feel positive about themselves and their future
• feel comfortable about themselves
• feel accepted
• feel more confident
• feel loved
• feel wanted and needed
• feel full of energy
• feel useful.

These are feelings which make you have good mental health, so having a happy positive relationship is good for your mental health. This goes for all relationships including those with parents, friends and family.

When a young person is in an unhappy relationship they feel:

• hurt emotionally and/or physically
• angry
• trapped
• confused, loving and hating
• not wanted
• depressed
• worthless
• the energy knocked out of them
• friendless
• the future looks hopeless
• useless, that they can't do anything right.

All these feelings can seriously affect a young person's mental health. Everyone has mental health and they should choose their relationships wisely, so that the most important people in their lives are contributing to their positive mental health, not giving them experiences that are making them have negative mental health.

As a 15 year old the relationships I worry about the most are my boyfriend and my closest friends. These are some of the things I know I should do to make sure I am a good friend and not making my friends suffer by my thoughtlessness.

A good friend will make sure the relationship is:

• equal, with everyone making decisions
• safe, non-violent, controlling anger, temper
• feeling honest
• free, able to be yourself and do things you like doing
• trusting, not jealous of your popularity and other friends.

If your relationship is abusive; emotionally, physically or sexually, and you want the abuse to stop, you need to make some serious decisions. Think about how strong you really are and how much you really value yourself.

You can:

• Tell your friend that the violence must stop.
• Say clearly when you don't want sex.
• Plan for your safety. If warning signs are there go somewhere safe.
• Confide in trusted friends and family.
• Ring a help line or talk to someone trained in relationship counselling.
• Be kind to yourself, do things which make you feel stronger.

All these actions help strengthen your mental health and will either improve your relationship, making it more equal, safe honest, free, trusting or end your relationship. Either way you're going to be better off.

When friends are in a bad relationship and you can see their mental health is suffering, you can be their best friend by:

• Helping them recognise signs of emotional physical and/or sexual abuse.
• Be honest; warn them it will probably get worse.
• Encourage them to feel strong and good about themselves.
• Help them with their safety plan.
• Know where help is and how to get it.
• Make sure your friend is in control and can make their own decisions. Support them but don't take over their lives.
• If they break off the bad relationship, make sure you are there to support them through the loneliness and doubt.
• Don't drop them because they don't break it off this time.
• Respect the decision they have made. If the relationship is still abusive, they'll need your friendship more than ever.

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