Dealing with bullying
Getting picked on, paid out, pushed around or harassed by others - what ever you call it - it all boils down to one thing and that is BULLYING!
Most of us know of someone who has been bullied. Some of us have experienced it first hand or even dished it out ourselves.
So what is bullying?
You can sum bullying up as any repeated action against a person or group that is done on purpose to hurt, offend or upset and leads to the person or group that it is aimed at feeling threatened, distressed or harmed in some way.
Some examples of bullying that I have seen are:
- calling smart kids in school ‘geeks’ or ‘try hards’
- spreading nasty and untrue rumours around
- getting threatening emails and text messages
- pushing, shoving, kicking or throwing things like spit balls at others
- excluding a person from a conversation, group or activity
- receiving offensive and unwelcomed sexual remarks and advances
- staring at others or giving others dirty looks
- someone finding their bag padlocked to a tree
- people getting paid out because of things such as their age, family background, abilities, religion, beliefs, sexuality, their clothes or looks.
There are many different ways to be bullied. It can be verbal, non-verbal, physical, social, emotional, racial and sexual.
Bullying can happen anywhere and anytime like in high schools, work places, university, shopping centres, sports groups and peer groups, just to name a few. It can happen as a one off situation or can go on for a long time and can be experienced by everyone from famous people to your best friend. So it doesn't just happen to ‘unpopular’ people or when you are little.
It seems that some people think bullying is a normal part of life but if you've ever been on the receiving end of it, then you know that it can really affect your mental health.
When someone is constantly teasing or threatening to bash you, you're probably not going to be feeling very good. You may be left feeling alone, afraid, embarrassed, angry, stressed or even depressed. Bullying can affect your relationships with others, your confidence, your learning at school and your ability to get on and enjoy the things you like to do - all of which definitely isn't a strong foundation to build on now or for later in life.
There are many reasons for bullying but none of them are good or acceptable. Bullying is just not on!
So what can you do about bullying?
Some people react to bullying by crying, laughing, walking away but thinking about it later, isolating themselves so they can't be harassed or getting angry and striking back. Other people might react by trying to change themselves or what they do in some way so that they're not a target for bullying. Some of these strategies may work in the short term but some might make the situation worse and not actually stop the bullying. So here are some more ways to tackle bullying.
Bullying is totally unacceptable
The first thing to remember is that everyone has a right to feel safe so bullying in any form is unacceptable. One good idea would be to do some research about how your school or other places you hang out, like your sporting group, work place or youth centre, views and deals with bullying and harassment. If they don't have anything about it - then maybe it's time that something was written and said about it so that everyone knows that it is not on and when it does happen that it will be dealt with in a fair way.
Look at the situation and be prepared to deal with it
Try to look at the bullying situation from all different angles. How did it make you feel? Can you come up with reasons for why the bullying has started? You may not find any. What do you know about the person or group doing the bullying? You might try talking to someone you trust to see if they can help come up with reasons as well as some solutions to stop it. Look at how you reacted to the bullying – did your reaction stop it? How could you do things differently the next time it happens? Ignoring bullying could make it continue longer.
Communicate clearly and assertively
Having the confidence and skills to handle the situation can be hard especially when you are feeling bad about yourself but being able to communicate assertively will help. Try to talk to the bully (they are people too). You might want to do this away from their friends, but with someone else around for support.
When you do talk to the bully be bold, stand up tall, look them in the face, and assertively tell them that you don't like what they are doing or saying and tell them that you want them to stop it. Talking to the bully assertively lets them know where you stand.
Keep yourself safe
Your safety is important. When you are in the thick of a bullying situation, it is sometimes safer to walk away. You don't have to stand there and take it and leaving an unsafe situation isn't a sign of weakness. This doesn't mean you should ignore the problem; no-one has the right to constantly put you down, push you or pick on you. It has to stop. If the bullying occurs when you are by yourself, then try sticking with your mates or stay in more public areas.
Most schools and work places have strict rules about how to deal with bullying and harassment. Reporting it doesn't make you a dobber but someone who wants a safe environment for themselves and their fellow students, friends or workers. If your teacher or counsellor doesn't give you the support you need then go to the Principal.
Your school is supposed to protect you.
If it's happening outside school, seek the support of your parents, family or friends.
In really serious circumstances, the police may need to be involved. So always seek support so you can feel safe.
If you are being bullied … get support
If you are being bullied remember to keep believing in yourself and be confident about who you are. It's important to get support, so find someone you trust, a close friend, relative, school counsellor or teacher and let them know what is going on.
You could even ring a help line. Don't forget you don't have to deal with bullying alone. If you get dumb advice - don't give up - talk to someone else you can trust.
You may be scared or embarrassed to get help but remember that bullying and harassment is not permitted. Try to get some tips from your mates about how they have confronted bullying in the past. There are many different ways of dealing with bullying - some ways work and others don't.
Making people aware of it and getting support for yourself can be very helpful. As a last resort, if the bullying doesn't stop then you might need to think about changing schools or groups but it shouldn't get to this. It is much better that it gets resolved so you can be free to go to whatever school or places you want without torment!
Everyone needs to help stop bullying!
If you were getting bullied and you knew that others stood there watching, wouldn't you like some support? Being a bystander and letting bullying happen without doing anything just makes the problem worse and makes it look like you agree with it even if you don't. The fact is if you don't do anything about it then you are part of it.
Although you may be scared of getting involved or being called a dobber everyone should strive to maintain an environment that supports all kinds of people without discrimination or harassment.
Check out other information that can help you deal with bullying like:
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