Being different

What makes you different from everyone around you?

Maybe it is that you:

• have a different accent to most of your peers
• have a piercing
• have a different ethnic, racial or religious background to most of your peers
• are a diabetic or asthmatic
• dress differently
• have a stutter
• have a different or rare hair colour.

 But it's not just your physical appearance and the things you do that can make you different. It might be that you support or stand up for what you believe, no matter what, and stick true to your views and morals. Sometimes we can choose to be different, by getting a piercing or changing the colour of your hair. But, sometimes there are things about us that we can't control or do anything about, for example, how tall you are.

As a young person there's a lot of pressure to conform to the idea of being a ‘normal’ teenager. We get pressured by not only our peers but also by the media and even our family to just fit in and not to be different in the way we look, act, think or feel.

So what has all this got to do with your mental health? Well that depends on whether you are comfortable or uncomfortable about the things that make you and others around you different. Having positive mental health means feeling okay about yourself and getting positive messages about ourselves from others.

How do you cope with differences?

• Do expect, accept or tolerate people's differences?
• Do you feel confronted, scared, angry or nervous being around people who are different to you?

Some people find it hard to relate to people who are different in some way. They might ignore, be rude or badly treat those people who they see as being different to themselves. Something I've noticed is that a lot of people, who feel different and don't like it, react by pointing out everyone else's differences so that they don't feel so bad about their own. I've also come across people who use their ‘differences’ as a way to hurt, stand over or intrude on other people's rights. So in this case, it's not about being different but more about power and control.

Did you know that…

There are a lot of forces that can stop us from expressing or accepting our differences. Some main ones are:

• Prejudice – which happens when people negatively judge others without any real facts or understanding.
• Stereotyping – which happens when people think that you will act and be a certain way just because of the way you look, where you live, your religion, culture, gender or sexuality.

Prejudice, stereotypes and conflict can grow when people refuse to accept or understand others and have a totally closed mind to differing ideas, ways of living and appearances. It also grows when you think that different equals ‘wrong’ and that there is only one way to be.

The fact is that we are all individuals who want be accepted, supported and feel connected to others around us regardless of how different or similar we are to others.

Being yourself

There are things that many of us would like to change about ourselves but we have to think about why we want to change, what we can really change and who we are doing it for. Maybe you feel like just another face in the crowd, like you're nothing special. When you feel like this or you are changing your ways to please others you can feel anxious, confused and upset that you can't just be yourself. If you don't think you are accepted for your differences, you may feel insecure, embarrassed, defensive or frustrated about how you should act and who you should pretend to be. You might be getting hassled out by others because of your differences. You also might believe that you're being constantly judged and find it hard to relax and be yourself. All this can have a negative effect on your mental health by leaving you feeling down and lacking confidence. When you feel like this it can be hard to make and keep friends because basically you are not being who you really are. Being proud of who you are and your differences is the best. It will leave you feeling sure of yourself, positive and comfortable. You may be more willing to experience new things and expand your horizons and social life. Along with all this, you'll probably feel like you are getting much more out of life.

Living with differences

• Hang out with people who make you feel comfortable and accepted rather than people who make you feel pressured, alone, judged and unhappy.
• Make new friends or join a group who share things in common with you. This can be very hard, trust me I know, but be persistent because the rewards are definitely worth the effort.
• Do things that help you to feel good about yourself and that celebrate your differences.
• Tell people to just lay off when they start to pick on you or others just for being different. Remember that there are laws against discrimination and most schools and workplaces have formal ways to deal with harassment. Find out what they are as you might need to get support and use them to stop any harassment.
• Get support from your friends and family when you need it.

If you want to be accepted for who you are and your differences then you have to work on doing the same with others. So try to be more understanding, accepting and tolerant of others' differences. You never know, you might see another point of view and learn that you have more things in common than you first thought.

We are all different

No-one has the same finger print as you. You have to remember that everyone is different; no matter what clothes you wear, what you look like or what you believe.

You shouldn't and don't have to change what you look like and who you are just to be accepted. By being comfortable with yourself, others are more likely to be comfortable with you too.

The world is full of different people, some who share certain ways of life and beliefs and some who don't. Learn to celebrate your individuality and to be more understanding and accepting of others who are different to you.

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